Archive for January, 2012

Why Are You The Cause Of My Baby’s Pain??

I’m not really sure where to start with this topic

Inconsistent Non-Custodial Parents!

As you already know.. I plan to be as honest with you as possible on this blog.  Seriously being a single mom is a blessing, I don’t care how you spin it. Now before I really get into this topic let me throw the disclaimer out.. I am a single mom and I’m writing this post from that perspective.  If you are a single father, I’m sure you may deal with this issue as well, yet I’m writing this from MY perspective.. Rock on.. smile.

I’m writing this post for single moms as well as Non-custodial dads to get some insight.  Yesterday, my oldest child’s father called her,and I gave her the phone after I informed the father that he didn’t need to discuss anything deep because she had school the next day.  Why did I mention this to him you ask.  Well he had only spoken to her twice in five weeks.  Oh and let me add during  those five weeks we had Christmas and New Years, where he did not call, and the first time he called he tells my daughter some devastating news, that an eleven year old didn’t need to hear from a father she hadn’t heard from consistently.

So I give my daughter the phone and start washing dishes, I turn around and my beautiful child is boo hoo crying.. I mean shoulders jumping up and down and everything.  I go over to her and she stands up and I hug her, while she is still talking to her father.  The phone disconnects, he was on the train or something.. and I ask my daughter what is wrong.  She says, “He didn’t say anything, I just really miss him, and I want to see him”. I held her and let her know that I understand.

I really do not like to see my daughter cry over things that are avoidable.  My daughter has not seen her father in…..I don’t even know.. Maybe two times last year.  Yes you read it right.  See he lost his license for not paying child support and basically has my daughter thinking the child support is the reason he can’t get to her.  I call it excuses.. personally especially considering that he lives about 20 min away, which is close in our neck of the woods.

I have made it very clear that rather he pays the money or not, he needs to be consistent with visiting his daughter.  I say to all Fathers out there and single mom’s listen too.   There is something that comes from a father, that a mother can not give.  There is a confidence that a little girl gains from knowing she is loved by her father.  There is a strength that boys gain from knowing they are loved by their fathers.  Any father that allows anything to keep them from their child should ask  WHY?  Truthfully there is NO EXCUSE! NO REASON that is going to make up for the fact that you did not do your job instilling the items into your child that can only come from you.

As I held my daughter crying because she misses her father, whom I have my own opinions about, all I could do was be there for her with love, and understanding. This moment was not the time for me to call her father names and talk about what he should have done.  I had to let her know that her father loves her and that he is doing the best HE believes he can do. I had to let her know that it is okay to cry about the situation and that she should continue to cry as many times as she needs to.

See Moms, I felt a Peace about the situation….

How?? You may ask.. That is simple, what a blessing to be able to hold my daughter as she cries.  What a blessing that she wants to come and let me hold her while she goes through this season of hurt and lack of understanding.  See Moms, if you keep a positive tongue concerning your children’s fathers.. rather they do their job or not.. you children will love you for that.  You will reap what you sow. I personally want to reap love.  I want my daughter to know that just because it hurts doesn’t mean it isn’t love.

Stay with me for a second… When Jesus was on the cross and he called out to his Father, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:45 NIV). God still loved Jesus, He simply couldn’t look at him as he held all of our sin.  I consider it an honor that God trust me to love my daughter through this hard time.  I keep the focus on what is true.. My daughter is going through this now so that I have the opportunity to show her who God is and what his plans are for her.

As she cried, I explained that I knew how she felt, see my parents divorced when I was 13 years old, yet they separated when I was 9.  The main difference is that my father paid child support, yet he lived in America while I lived in Germany.  I told her I know the hurt, and the lack of understanding.  So I reminded her that EVERYTHING God brings us through is for GOOD.  It will end good, and this is not the end.  This moment is just that .. a moment.

There needs to come a time when we push past our selves and love our kids FIRST. Yes, I was frustrated, no I didn’t like seeing my baby hurt.  Yet I would rather her hurt in my arms then out there in this world we live in.  Make a decision moms, our kids will hurt, it’s life.  There is nothing we can do to change that fact.  What we can control is how we teach them to deal with hurt.

I know this post was long.. yet I had to share it with you guys.. see there is a mom out there that needed reminding.  We are strong, we are loved, we are irreplaceable, we are MOMS!!

Love Ya,

A Special Treat for my Single Moms!

I have a treat for my Single Moms!

As Single Moms, some of us spend most of our time working, carrying the kids to their extra-curricular activities, cooking, cleaning, going to Church… basically taking care of everything.

Now some of my Single Moms out there are like myself, and do not date due to the fact that it is not guaranteed.  See I am personally raising two daughters.  My daughters are going to learn exactly how to act toward men by watching me.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it! They are going to learn how to deal with men, based on what I SHOW them.  It has nothing to do with what I say and everything to do with what I do. 

Truthfully, I would love for more single moms to take this stand.  Now just because I do not date, or entertain men, does not mean that I do not want to become a wife someday.  I simply want to make sure that the “HOW” I become a wife is something that I would love to see my daughters venture into.  I simply do not want them to end up giving themselves away over and over and over again to men who do not deserve them.  As single moms I’m sure you understand. I mean look at your own experiences and then close your eyes and see your child participating in the same activities.

I do surround myself with God fearing, trustworthy men.  I can honestly say the men in my life are great friends and most are family…lol. One of them has an awesome internet radio show every Tuesday at 8PM EST.  His name is Mr. Kenny Pugh.  Some day I will have an interview with him so that you can get the inside scoop on this man of God.  Now last night the show was titled “Do Men Still Desire Relationships”!  See I surround myself with men that are not afraid to tell me the truth.  Men that respect me and the fact that I’m a mother of two amazing daughters.  Ladies, I’ve said it before and I will say it again.. your children will do what you do rather they see you do it or not.  Yet this whole “SINGLE” thing sometimes leaves us out of the loop of what really makes a man want to take things to the next level.  Well, Mr. Kenny Pugh is kind of enough to have a show that literally takes us into the “Man Cave” and allows us to get into the minds of God fearing men to see exactly what they desire.  Take a moment and watch the replay of the show below.

Single Moms order your copy of “Can You Do It Standing Up? Today Click Below!

To all of my Single Moms, will you please take a moment to comment below, I want to know your thoughts about this post. Are you interested in more information of this nature? Let me know! Single Moms are amazing so keep smiling,